Having a loved one who is struggling with drug or alcohol addiction can put certain pressures on you. You may want to help your loved one, but don’t know how. Or you may think you’re helping, but really you are enabling – contributing to his or her ability to use. Learn the difference to give your loved one the help he or she needs.
Enabling someone with an addiction refers to giving that person the means to continue a substance use disorder. Many people have to hit a “rock bottom” before they will seek treatment for their addictions. If friends or family members help prevent a person from hitting rock bottom, that person may never feel the need to seek treatment or recover. Why bother getting sober if they have homes, food, jobs, or money?
It may seem like you are helping your loved one when you give him or her money to pay bills or get groceries, but in reality, you could be enabling an addiction. Learning how to draw the line can be difficult and may take help from a professional interventionist. You must learn how to distinguish between supporting and enabling. Otherwise, you could shield someone from experiencing the full consequences of their addictions – something that may be necessary to spark the desire to stop using.
Helping a child, sibling, or spouse overcome an addiction is not the same as enabling. Helping steers your loved one in the right direction – the direction toward sober living. Helping prevents someone with an addiction from consorting with the wrong people and getting into potentially dangerous situations, such as a drug overdose or alcohol poisoning. Helping is letting loved ones know you will be there for them when they decide to get sober or seek treatment. Helping is looking up the phone number for a local treatment center for assisted recovery.
It is important to recognize if you are an enabler. Otherwise, your behaviors could be contributing to someone else’s lack of seeking treatment. Although you cannot blame yourself for someone else’s battle with addiction, you can take steps to improve the odds of that person seeking treatment and entering into rehabilitation. The first step is learning how to recognize if you or someone in your family is an enabler.
Running out of money is a common reason people with addictions decide to seek treatment. The inability to pay bills, make rent, keep a roof over one’s head, pay child support, or keep up with car payments could force someone with a problem to ask for help. If you are lending money to someone you believe has a substance addiction, or if you are giving him or her a free place to live, you could be enabling him or her to continue buying drugs or alcohol without financial consequences.
Are you the one that calls your loved one’s boss when he or she is too hung-over to make it to work again? Making excuses for someone else’s addiction could be a sign that you’re an enabler. You are encouraging unhealthy behavior by shielding your loved one from real consequences, such as losing a job. It is not your responsibility to make excuses to your loved one’s friends, coworkers, bosses, or children.
Being in denial is a common trait of enablers. Denial is the refusal to accept that a friend or family member has a substance use problem. If you do not think your loved one needs treatment, or you believe he or she will quit using without professional help, you may be denying the seriousness of the problem. You could be in denial if any of the following are true:
Ignoring the issue will not make it go away or take back the fact that your loved one needs professional help. In fact, ignoring the problem could lead to your loved one making dangerous mistakes, such as using more dangerous drugs or overdosing. Instead, face the issue with your friend or relative head-on.
Enablers often begin their behaviors from places of shame, guilt, or blame. Many parents, for example, believe their children have substance use problems because of things that happened during childhood, such as a divorce. This can lead to parents trying to make up for it by enabling addiction or alcoholism. It is not your fault your loved one is struggling with an addiction. Alcohol and drugs are chemicals that change the way the brain works. Stop blaming yourself, and get your loved one the help he or she needs.
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